Music playing:Initial D movie Piao yi

Friday, April 29, 2005

.:. Hurt.Misunderstood. .:.

SUCH A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING.I SHUD HAV PUT DOWN THE SURNAME LOR.NOW SUM1 HAS MISUNDERSTOOD.DO U THINK I ONLY NOE 1 JOLENE IN MY LIFE?wahlao..n this misunderstanding has caused so much pain 2 my dear friend..well..since she says so..i guess..we're no longer friends...so i was realli shocked...i thot she sent me the letter it's bout me controlling her n hu she wans 2 b wif..but it's bout my blog..WHAT THE HECK.N SHE DOESNT EVEN NOE TT IT'S NOT HER IM TOKIN BOUT.Cant the jolene come frm fairfield..wahlao.wahlao.wahlao.SHIT LA.fine lor..so mayb she's happier to let go.i guess im putting 2 much pressure on her like she sed.fine lor.fine lor.it's ok.I SO LOVE 2 B HURT.i go to skool..n she thrusts me a letter stating tt evrythin's over.if it's bout me being too possessive over her.i understand..but it's bout my blog post.WHAT THE HECK.WHAT THE FCUKING HECK!!!!!!!!!!!Im so irritated..I JUST LOVE 2 B HURT.yea..not by her..but by evry1.I've formally decided..at the end of this yer..afetr i prove evry1 tt i can do well..im gonna commit suicide.seriously.This isnt a joke.so im trying 2 b friendlier 2 evry1 now.so i wont hav any more regrets..im tyrin 2 forget all the unhappiness so tt i can die happily.seriously..im not bluffing u.i really will die.on my own.it's like during recess..i was so depressed..i felt tt my life wasnt worth living..y does God wan 2 bring me 2 this world if all he gives me is hurt n pain?n it's not bcos of u.so stop inflicting pain can.if u keep doin it.im gonna get stressed n i may wanna die earlier than end of the yer.so stop it.plz stop it now.stop inflicting pain on urself.ur inflicting more pain on me.ok.stop it.so why must pple be so quick at misunderstanding?WHAT THE HECK.Lemme explain to u here.on this blog.I wasnt angry wif u.I wasnt tokin bout u.HAPPY??Then out of the blue..u just tell me not to be friends..Well..im nto gonna cry..im supposed 2 live life happily so i can go in peace rite.yep.so plz la.im not bluffing u.u just misunderstood.u arent the only jolene in my life.i hav met so many jolenes..same spelling.WHAT THE HECK LA.fine..i wont b stressed by this no longer.im not gonna b so silly.i havent thot of how 2 c.s..but im still thinkin..just hope God will make it ezier 4 me..let me die in my sleep..tt'll b gr8..so stop askin me if im ok..i AM OK..OKay??yep.right now.success is my first priority..nothin else.so fine la..if u wan it 2 b this way...i wont argue..ill oblige..okays.

*Life isnt worth living for.There's no bright side of life at all.All I see is darkness and blood.*

losing my grip. [4:22 PM]

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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

.:. haiz. .:.

im gonna chnge blog..again:Pim puttin the link on ma tagboard..so b sure 2 c it..the new blog will b more cheerful i hope..n it's creative i guess...well 2 me anywaex..hahs..zi kua..but i think it's nice..hahas...my blog templates r neva original..do u realise how i foreva change blog temp n music?well..ill try not to..n i m still tryin 2 forget HER...i just cant..i cant stop myself frm noticing..:(...i wish i could forget her..but i dunno how 2...this fri there's listenin compre..n im so afraid of gettin BETA record..for TAF..im gonna run evryday!:(o well..still have d n t n those few chaps for geog n a lil on hist..n i think im done..yep..sci is ok la..still revising..ate chicken chop after skool...YAY!..hahs..i dunno y..i hate myself for this..but sumtiems i get damn sad n jealous wen i c m ybest friends wif others..n especially wen tt friend just drags my friend away....i dunno....im better off not to be with very popular pple..tt's the case wif me n HER..we'll just remain gud pals..haiz.haiz.HAIZ!!...be sure 2 link 2 my new blog..soz 4 the trouble:P...tt blog shud b permanent..i promise!!like my email..i havent changed it..c..:P..life is still lonely 4 me..but i guess it's ok..lucky 2 hav pple like constance(nu er)n xueyi(mummy)in my class..without them..haiz..cant imagine life without them..tt's all..cya at my new blog..will b muvin evrythin there..including my tagboard:)so goody!..

losing my grip. [5:41 PM]

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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

.:. Sorry .:.

Hmm..sorry..my posts..r so harsh n terrible..sorry..i was just too angry to care..i dunno..well it's better tt i pour it all out here than with my friends rite?hmm..so lemme share stuff tt i din bother 2 share cos i was too bz grumbling..hahs.2day i suddenly had 2 new "family" members..constance n xueyi..hahas..cos we were playing ball during pe after takin ht n wt..yep..n i dunno y..i got crazy..then i treated the ball as my BABY..then after tt..kesia throw the ball 2 others..then all throw here throw there..then i fake mad..cos my BABY got abused..hahs..then it was so funny..i was trying to snatch the ball frm xueyi..constance was laughing..i was laughing 2..then xueyi oso la..then i perspired lots..hahas...my ht is 147..wt is 44.6...hrumph..cant get out of TAF..irritatin...n my chem paper..only got 12/20..such a terrible mark..n last night..i ate wafer with maple syrup n butter..with a sausage..with ham...with scrambled eggs..yummy leh....i dun mind eating it evryday..my dad bought it frm spore poly..the food there damn cheap..tt 1 is $2..n the bks tehre r very very very nice 2 read..so interesting..books like brand new 2..unlike sjc bks..hmm..then yesterday oso gt bak the compre..bout earthsong..i got 23/25!!lalalalalalalallalaa..happy la..:P..n any1 noes where i can find beautiful but sad midis?plz tell me..i wan add more midis rather than songs..n shud i change my blog?dew-drop..dew-drop..sounds weird la..o well..n i dun think i can ever forgive HER anymore....i've forgiven her for like..so many times?i cant do it anymore...i realli cant..n i nevr will..she'll probably at most just remain my gud friend..n the most ill do is say hi to her..tt's all...she's not exactly my best friend anywaex..she alredy has 1 close friend in the same class s her..n tt time she even cried wen her tt best friend ignored her...but wen i did..she din bother..so frm tt i noe tt she's definitely not my best friend..my grandma n my younger godsis..r..hahs..weird combination of best friends..ahma n meimei..:P.i have been studyin la..studyin geog(9 more chaps:'()..then im not prepared 4 hist...n sci well..ok i guess...we're doin a retest on this fri...it's chem.....sumthin bout particles again..i dun like particles la..i prefer the 1 bout atoms oso..but is bout protons,neutrons,electrons..yep..very interesting..n bio..so many things 2 rem..n MR LIM KEE TIONG..still hasnt given bak our enzymes paper..wahlao eh..i wan study lor..c wat mistakes i made..then he dun giv bak..!@#$^%^&*$&&!@hahs..n we had ting xie 2day for chi..mr sim is the only teacher i think hu can control our class..2 endurance..can keep us so so so quiet..other teachers..no matter how they threaten us..for example ms lcl..we dun giv a damn botu them..hahs..im serious..i wish i could hav a long fone call wif yanhan n lisais..but lisais says the calls r expensive..$5 per min..omg...........$5 can buy awesome food leh..then 1 min only use up $5..SO EX MAN...n sum pple r very irritating..in the sense tt wen i tok 2 my fren..they jus drag them away..so annoying...my life has been terrible..constantly terrible..i dunno how 2 describe it..words just cant describe it..c it's tt terrible..hav u heard the song 'lonely' by akon..i luv it leh..v. cute..last night..listened to my mp3s on my mp3 player...got 31 songs in it..2 bad cant bring it 2 skool...skool life sucks s usual..but p.e rocks cos we dun hav 2 run n run n run n run n RUN!!...lucky..can just hav fun........tt's all la...take care.n hope i dun get provoked..or ill really explode!c it rhymes..n there's 1 darn irritaitng girl in our class..i hate her lor..seeing her..just makes me irritated alredy..hrumph...tt's all.sayonara.

losing my grip. [7:07 PM]

.:. sorrows n more sorrows evryday... .:.

I really wonder..do u noe the feeling of walking to skool alone?of tokin 2 pple..but they alredy hav their own cliques n u r out of theirs?wen u hav no1 to tok 2..or cry 2?wen evry1's afraid 2 c u cry?wen no1 is there to lend u her ear or shoulder?wen ur so-called best friends r not true n r always breaking promises?wen ur results r dropping..n u seem to be dropping..even in the worst express class?wen u c pple takin back their papers happily while ur left alone feeling down?wen u desperately need 2 cry but cant?wen u r feelin depressed evryday..n r sick of it?wen ur teacher doesnt even tell u in advance wen a test is comin?wen u did not do well in ur fav subject?wen ur n expert in tt sub..but u actually barely passed?wen evrybody just acts like they hate u?wen u r forever in the TAF club?wen u r just sick of life..n just wanna rest for once without any1 telling u wat 2 do?wen evrything just goes wrong 4 u..n u start 2 believe tt ur realli dumb??wen u r just plain dumb?wen no1 ever comforts u n reassures u tt they'll b there 4 u?wen ur so-called best friend just wants to hang up on u?wen ur other so-called best friend constantly breaks ur heart?wen u just feel tt ur carrying a heavy burden in ur heart..n u wish u were like ur past self..very cheerful with no worries whatsoever?when ur so-called best friend tells u all tt rubbish sweet talk n just is a very terrible friend?evrythin tt i've sed here happens to me..evryday..n i m darn tired..n SICK OF VERYTHIN N EVRY1!!!!i nevr get accepted in2 any grp..im always one of those tt pple wouldnt ask to team up wif them...my chem marks r dropping..i feel like im 1 of the bottom..n in a worst express class...y m i so STUPID?i thot i used 2 b smarter...y???oh y..as i grow older i get dumber n dumber N DUMBER??????y??????y r there foreva so many 'downs' in my life?i nevr get 2 xperience true happiness....oh boy..i hav an awful headache.......too many things r bothering me...JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.I DUN NEED ANYONE.depression is realli overwhelming..do u noe?well since u dun..JUST GO AWAY.

losing my grip. [2:23 PM]

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Monday, April 25, 2005

.:. SHUT UP .:.

REALLI PISSED OFF..REALLI FED UP.......I TELL U..IM THE KIND OF PERSON HU'S EZLY OFFENDED...I MAY LOOK LIKE A CUTE LITTLE PLAYTHING..WHO IS EZ TO MAKE FUN OF..................WELL...IM BACK TO MYSELF..REM HOW I TOLD U BOUT MY MEL NO. 3?WELL..IM BACK AGAIN..ME..THE ANGRY..FRUSTRATED SELF....N I ABSOLUTELY HATE EVRY1.....I REALLI DUN THINK I HAVE ANY TRUE FRIENDS IN SJC............I MIGHT AS WELL STAY A LONER...I REALLI DUN CARE ANYMORE..I'VE BEEN TOLERATING A LONG TIME NOW..IM GONNA LET IT ALL OUT HERE...DO U NOE HOW IT FEELS..WEN U NEED TO TALK TO SUMBODY ABOUT STUFF..N THEY R NEVR THERE?ESPECIALLY IF THE 'THEY' IS UR BEST FRIENDS..SO-CALLED BEST FRIENDS ANYWAY...THEY DUN EVEN TAKE TIME 2 UNDERSTAND ME..DUN EVEN TAKE TIME 2 CARE ABOUT HOW IM FEELING RIGHT NOW..FINE...FINE..FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IM GONNA LIVE LIFE AS A LONER..FINE..NO1 EVER CARES ABOUT ME ANYWAY..I CANT STAND IT ANY LONGER..I'VE BEEN TOLERATING THIS FOR LIKE..WHAT?1 YEAR ALREDY...I'M SO IRRITATED...U DUN EVEN TREAT ME AS A FRIEND..BOTH OF U..U NEVR DO..N IM NOT TT LITTLE CHEERFUL GIRL HU IS MADE USE OF..N WHOM U CAN BREAK PROMISES..IM NOT SUM1 U CAN JUST PLAY WITH..HEY..I HAVE MY PRIDE TOO..I HAVE MY DIGNITY..IM NOT SUM1 HU CAN BE HURT SO MANY TIMES..IM NOT SUM1 HU CAN JUST FORGIVE ALL THE TIME U DO THOSE STUFF TO ME..IT'S REALLI HURTFUL..DO U NOE?SO MANY PROMISES..BUT U NEVER KEEP THEM..U NEVER EVE NTALK TO ME ABOUT STUFF..N DONT EVEN LEND A LISTENING EAR.....ISNT THAT WHAT FRIENDS ARE SUPPOSED 2 DO?LISTEN?IM DARN ANNOYED NOW AT THE WAY IM BEING TREATED BY 2 OF MY SO-CALLED BEST FRIENDS..HU I'VE ALWAYS THOT WELL OF..............I CANT STAND THEM ANY LONGER...WHY DONT WE JUST END IT?EVERYONE WILL BE FREED OF SO MUCH MORE HURT..I WILL BE FREED..EVERYONE WILL B HAPPIER..NO ONE WILL GET ANGRY WITH EACH OTHER ANYMORE..ANYWAY..U..IM TOKIN 2 BOTH OF U..C N J..IM SO FED UP..SO IRRITATED..I JUST FEEL LIKE SCREAMING AT U...WELL..I CANT BOTHER 2 DO SO...ANYWAY..BOTH OF U..HAV SO MANY WONDERFUL FRIENDS..SO MANY FRIENDS FRM NPCC..WELL..GUD FOR U THEN..IM NOT PART OF UR WIDE FRIENDSHIP CIRCLE ANYMORE...IM BEING USED..N I SHOULD HAVE LEFT LONG AGO...I DUN CARE..EVEN IF IM LEFT ALL ALONE WITHOUT U..I WILL NO LONGER BE UR FRIEND...I HAVE NO FRIENDS ANYWAY..WEIXIN HAS CHIU JIE..U ALL HAVE UR NPCC FRIENDS..LORAINE HAS HER GREAT PALS..HAS CAROLINE...EVRY1 HAS THEIR CLIQUES..WELL..I GUESS IM NOTHING..I MIGHT AS WELL JUST SHUT MYSELF OUT OF THIS WORLD....SO IRRITATING....I HONESTLY..FEEL LIKE SHIFTING OUTTA THIS SKOOL..EVRYTHING JUST IRRITATES ME..N I HAVE NO FRIENDS..NOBODY..NOBODY I CAN RELY ON..NOBODY WHO CAN WALK BESIDE ME..NOBODY HU CAN TOK 2 ME..NOBODY HU WILL LISTEN 2 ME...NOBODY HU WILL SHARE STUFF WITH ME..NOBODY WHO WILL ACCEPT ME FOR HU I M..NOBODY HU WILL STOP HURTING..NOBODY HU WILL STOP USING ME!!IM SO FED UP!!!!!!LIFE IS TERRIBLE...........I CANT LIVE IT ANYMORE..AT LEAST..I WONT BE ABLE TO LIVE IT..I GET SO STRESSED UP..PPLE R MAKING USE OF ME..THERE'S THE SAYING THAT THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE THINKING OF U...WELL..I CANT EXPECT ANY1 TO THINK OF ME..EVRY1 HAS THEIR OWN FRIENDS..OWN GRPS..IM JUST A NOBODY..NOBODY IS ME.......MY INNER SOUL..FEELS LIKE DYING NOW..I HAVE NO WILL 2 LIVE..WAT CAN I LIVE FOR?NOTHING!ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!I HAVE NOTHING TO BE HAPPY OF..EVEN IF I DO WELL..N I GET A GUD JOB IN FUTURE..DO I HAV FRIENDS?NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!No!!!!!!NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..I DUN HAV ANY LOVE FRM ANY1....MY HEART HAS BEEN CARRYING THIS BURDER FOR A LONG TIME....IM GONNA BREAK DOWN.....................................I CANT STAND IT..EVRY1 JUST DISLIKES ME..THE WHOLE WORLD HATES ME..THE WHOLE OF SINGAPORE ANYWAEX..I DUN HAVE ANY1 WHOM I CAN HUG FOR A LONG TIME N CRY TO..TO POUR ALL MY SORROWS..TO..NO1 HU TREASURES ME..EVRY1 JUST TAKES ME FOR GRANTED..I SERIOUSLY..DUN FEEL LIKE LIVING..ANYMORE..THERE';S NOTHING WORTH 2 LIVE FOR..THO I DUN OWE ANY1 A LIVING..N I MUST LIVE FOR MYSELF....I FIND LIFE SO MEANINGLESS..I DUN HAV A SINGLE TRUE FRIEND BESIDE ME........N THOSE SWEET TALKS WERE NOT REAL...I SHOULD JUST THROW AWAY THOSE LETTERS BOTH OF U WROTE TO ME..ESPECIALLY THE PERSON I ALWAYS THOT MY BEST FRIEND..WHY M I STILL HOLDING ON TO THEM?THEY'RE RUBBISH..THEY'RE FAKE..FULL OF UNTRUTH..FULL OF LIES...STOP LYING TO ME..I HATE IT!N IM GONNA END THIS POST...N I DUN NEED 2 GIV U A REASON FOR IT.I DUN NEED U.GO AWAY...DUN TOK 2 ME..IM JUST A PEST IN EVRY1'S EYE..IM JUST ANOTHER IDIOTIC HUMAN BEING...WHO SHUDNT HAVE BEEN BORN INTO THIS WORLD.I SHUDNT EXIST.I REALLI SHUDNT....WHY SHUD I?IF ALL I GET IS PAIN N MORE N MORE HURT?N WEN I DUN SEEM TO BE ABLE TO GIV PPLE HAPPINESS?TELL ME..WHY SHUD I LIVE..IM SO STUPID..I HAVE NO BRAINS...EVEN MY MUM SAYS SO..I HAVE NO FRIENDS..I M ALL ALONE....SO STAY AWAY FRM ME...COS IM A VERY TERRIBLE PERSON..N I HATE U.TT'S ALL.

losing my grip. [4:48 PM]

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Saturday, April 23, 2005

.:. oh man... .:.

today's oral was terrible..i din speak very fluently for my reading passage thingy..n i definitely did badly 4 my conversation thing!i was 2 nervous..n i came 2 skool late..so i wasnt even prepared..just wen i came we had 2 go to the hall n wait to be tested 4 oral!!..evrythin happened too fast.:(it was about neighbours..so terrible..i was stuck at certain qns..my tester was the malay teacher..haiya..o well..it's all over..so let's not tok bout it.:)spent the time copying songs frm cd..:)songs tt r hard 2 download online..will update more soon.

losing my grip. [2:37 PM]

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Friday, April 22, 2005

.:. -hyperactivity- .:.

So happy lah...i dunno y..but 2day on msn..toked a lot..n i think i was rather annoying..LOLS!!...i kept "nudging" pple..wahaha..then bow n bow..u noe the msnger 7..v. cool...can nudge pple..can nudge my laopo!!ahaha..2mrrw..got oral..scary la..only the conversation part..all my friends' blogs r so beautiful...lately..i dun think anythin can put me down or discourage me..cos im in my crazy mood..i really think im like anne frank..but i hav 3 personalities..No.1)the very stressed up n depressed type;gets ezly discouraged..(i was this for a long time)No.2)the hyper 1,may get a little 2 annoying at times..mostly smiling..n laughin..ezly amused..n can neva stop laughing..No.3)im the angry n frustrated 1..always getting pissed off ezly..can get unfriendly..n cold..feels left out..feels like dying..dun go near me!!..rite now im mel no.2..hehe..so annoy me s much s u can..b4 i get bak 2 my mel no. 1 or no. 3 1 day..n my mel no. 2 very lame..tt's wat i m these days..jus ask constance ull noe..managed to tok 2 so many pple on msn..rebekah..laopo..rachel braberry,sauyan,yanhan,lisais..constance..yep...toked to laopo n lisais the longest..jolene very funny...aiya..the msnger 7 realli spices life up..v. funny..i cant stop laughin....nxt wk gonna take wt. n ht. come..hu wan 2 jump wif me??b my guest.LOLS..i told u im crazy..1 moment..u c all my posts being so sad n depressing..n now u c my posts gettin so..now wads tt word..HAPPY!!:)hehe...hope more pple tag at my tagboard.....i even gained myself a niece!tt is kesia~:Dim da auntie!YAY..1 more family member..i wan b peck hoon's mei......haiz...i wan more family members leh!!lalala..but my laopo will always remain s my laopo..cos she rox n u rok 2..lalala I LOVE U WITH ALL MY HEART N SOUL..for now until we grow old..LOLS..i got many lame poems 2day...take care n sayonara.

losing my grip. [9:32 PM]

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Thursday, April 21, 2005

.:. "mathilda" .:.

Today..everyone's so nice to me...surprisingly...n as im typing this..the baby is crying..sumwhere frm outside there la...very noisy this baby..cry n cry..but i guess sum babies just want attention...was in a hyper mood..like wat yanhan sed..or was it lisais?LOLS..dunno..toked 2 many pple on msn..even to rebekah..my junior..she's now p6..we used 2 b busmates...;)..had pft..the 5 batteries test..here r my lousy results: STANDING BROAD JUMP-at first,145..later 164.. INCLINED PULL UP-ONLY 7..:( SHUTTLE RUN(could hav done better)-12 SIT UP-40(this 1 quite happi:D) SIT N REACH-39(ok la..)yep...then for the career thingy..i finally finally finally decided wat i wanna b...a...TEACHER!!i dunno wat subject tho..will c how...now im happier..cos i really wan 2 b a teacher...n mdm hasanah is nice..n i have my frenz,rachel braberry,khoo wei xin n there r so many other frenz..n nice pple..it's like i finally find where i belong..:)..yes..i sed i wanted 2 b a police(i can b so fickle-minded)..but i doubt i really would belong there..i would just feel the same there s wen im a doctor..so i made the rite decision 4 once..now i can c weixin for 1 period..HEHE..hu ask her my best fren?tt's y im so happi 2 c her..we ended anne frank txt 2day:D..then i think i realli share quite a lot of similarities with anne frank...dunno lahs...agnes told me she tagged at my tagboard...my taggy's down 4 a while i guess.....yea..n like i sed..i relly m in a hyper mood..wateva way u interpret it...i got mostly Cs AGAIN for my pft..so i got 18..n i get silver AGAIN..always the same la..haiya..y muz my 2.4 b so lousy..but luckily i passed..yay.:Dthen i wish i had a "jie"...i alredy hav 1..but i wan 1 more!lols..im greedy...so far i hav no problems whatsoever wif the teachers....i dun hate any of them now...ms judy low is ok now..ms lim ming kiat still rox..n ms chew hui leng..HAHA!do u noe?the shuttle run she's the teacher-in-charge..then she called me mathilda..AGAIN..ahaha..if u dunno..she was my geog teacher..i wish she would teach me again..she's really nice..n gud at teachin geog..mayb i look like a MATHILDA..HAHA..so funny..she's really funny..then mdm hasanah rox..her lessons arents dat borin..in my opinion..so far the most interesting n eziest subject is..CHEMISTRY!!cos really fun..we're learnin protons,neutrons,electrons,particles of matter all those stuff..very interesting....quite fun leh......i luv sci so much this yer..dunno y..i used 2 hate it..cos evrytime i got my paper bak..i always failed..n summore..failed quite terribly..so evrytime there's a paper..i always get so sian..lols..always c fail fail n more fail..sad la..the past few yers..i realli hated sci...cos 2 me..it was the most boring subject..but many things about me hav changed..like my food preferences..my moodswings..my cheerfulness..im not so cheerful anymore..im not like a lil girl..i think thru many "falls" i've learnt my lessons n grown up(at least a lil?)i relli hav gone thru a lot...im just happy tt i hav no family problems..n i even hav frenz hu care bout me...in 2e...i still detest a few pple..just a few...:D...the rest r realli nice...i put down the names of those i find nice but whom i used 2 think horribly of..k?k..dun b offended..plz..huiyan,sauyan(last time wen i was told 2 sit nxt 2 her,i got so scared..i dunno la..but she's really a nice person now..)hmm..tt's all la..yep..as 4 the pple i detest..i wont state..tt's all..i guess..yep..yep..n 2mrrw goin 2 stay bak 2 paint my 'wonderful' art masterpiece..LOLS..nah..nt wonderful..in fact it's terrible lookin..k....hope 2mrrw will b a gud day..cos it's fri.take care..god bless u..i luv u......:)

losing my grip. [9:21 PM]

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